some thoughts about online relationships

Despite what you might have heard… I’m not a guru in any kind of relationships, nor in anything else for that matter, though I reckon that I may know a few things about certain topics Either way… from my personal experience and talks I had with friends and strangers I’ve come to gather some important points regarding the matter of online relationships:

• TALK

Talking is of the uttermost importance in any relationship, especially in an online one when most of the times the only way you have to communicate is through writing. Sure, new methods are available today to communicate besides writing, but the point is, you must talk. Talk about everything. If you quickly run out of conversation topics… well, then you might have a problem there. If you find long moments of silent to be uncomfortable to you that could also be a matter to take notice. From my experience, and from what I’ve heard, good happy couples talk… and I mean A LOT! Sure, everyone’s different, not everyone is as much expressive as the other, but still, if  you willing to go to a relationship (whatever kind of involvement you’re interested in) talking is a definitively must ! Most problems derive from not talking things out, not mentioning certain things, hiding certain facts or exaggerating others… which lead us to the 2nd important point:

• ASK

Ask everything! I’m not saying to get acquainted with all the deep and personal secrets of your significant other in the first week, that takes time and trust, but I mean to ask about anything you find odd, anything that you suspect might be wrong about the other, about something he/she just said and you felt bad about it, it could be just a misunderstanding… or it could be a breaking point. Either way, you must ask to find out. Sometimes its better to cut a bad relationship early then to drag along only to find out that afterall you weren’t aiming for the same goals. This can be tricky of course…. but no one said it had to be easy in the first place. Don’t be afraid to ask. If you are confused, try to get an explanation. If you were misinterpreted, apologize and explain. Don’t lie. Be honest and follow your own gut feelings, but always ask first before jumping in to hasty conclusions.

• WARN

Another important point is to warn the other about certain things, such as: your motivations for a relationship online, what do you expect, even your fears. On a more practical approach, warn each other of your schedules, know when the other will be online or not, as to prevent causing anxiety on your significant other while waiting for you to log in for hours long only to find out that you aren’t going to. Email is a simple and quick way for instances. If there’s a chance that you won’t make it: Warn them! State it in the first place. Off-line life sometimes takes unexpected twists and prevents one from getting online… this can cause an impact in your partner wondering what has happen to you or if it has any ulterior motif as to not to come online again…

• LEARN

Carrying from the Warning point, its very important to know what are each others motivations for that relationship. Is it just casual, is it serious, is it strictly online, are you planning to find a life partner also? Are you in any other kind of relationship (be it online or not)? This are very important things to know. What are the expectations? What are your fears? This might be difficult to explain and open up with them, but at some point a couple has to have a serious talk about these issues, otherwise expectations might grown on one side while not doing so on the other end. This, obviously, is not good. So, enjoy each others company, have fun, but also take steps in to learning what are each others prospects regarding key issues for you both.

and above all:

• BE HONEST, but cautious!

Honesty is highly out of use these days, sadly. But Honesty is the base of any good relationship! The problem with online relationships is that it can be so easy to LIE! Don’t do it !! It’s pathetic to do so, it only shows a lack of moral and immaturity by your side… however, be careful as not to be tangled with someone that does it! Many people get broken hearts because of players that like to pretend emotions when there are none! Be careful. The saying goes: “easier to catch a lier then a handicap person…” still, it can be time enough for you to get hurt! Hence talking is important. Learning as well. Asking likewise. Don’t be afraid to fall in love, it can come unexpected from places you never anticipated, so embrace it when it comes… but don’t be careless as to trust anything that comes your way. Love, but use your mind as well, not only your heart.

As for me… these are just some thoughts I’ve gathered over time. Hope it can help someone. Be weary though, I’m not an expert! This are just a few things I’ve learned. I think they are valid for everyone… at least for me they are so far. So… be happy and love to you all

~ by Petros Miklos on November 18, 2008.